Humiliating England

Not even the unexpected heat wave of early July could cover up our “Proud and Noble,” countries’ despicable display in South Africa this summer. The invisible passion and lack of commitment filled our high definition screens for a widely publicized three weeks as millions of customers tuned in to ITV HD on the 12th June only to miss one third of England’s goals this summer (or one forth). ‘The goal that never was’ sparked another debate about whether video technology should be introduced into football which then poses the question, why? We do not need more technology than HD and sky+ to see in a good quality picture and the ability to rewind live TV to watch action multiple times to tell us that the twenty-three picked England players were and are, well, over-paid, useless outcasts. Or if FIFA are really that bothered to assist three qualified and highly paid officials that cannot use their twenty-twenty vision to decide whether the perfectly round ball crossed the nicely painted, straight white line then instead of inventing brand spanking new technology, they can simply call a sky+ viewer, who, at a click of a button, can rewind his TV and confirm whether the ball definitely crossed that line!

So what now for the England set up? It is clear that every football fan in this country thinks he knows what is best for the team (Watford fans suggest a team full of Doyley’s) and better than Capello himself but will the Italian, post-June genius, go with his word and transfer his faith into the younger, more inexperienced players? The Adam Johnson’s, the Ashley Young’s and Gabby Agbonlahor’s almost certainly have the best chance they will ever get to impress the manager and firmly cement a place in the squad for the upcoming European qualifiers in September. Capello, flawless in qualifying, has come under tight scrutiny over his bemusing tactics and team selection has the full backing from the FA who made the wise decision in backing the 64 year-old. Of course we could dwell on particular decisions such as bringing 7-goal Heskey on instead of 21-goal Crouch with twenty minutes remaining and chasing a game but surely we must support him. His first job in international football has only brought five defeats in two and a half years and brought in a “no tolerance” policy with rules that include no mobile phones at the table and the gaffer to be answered to as “yes father.” Others however are hoping for the kidnapping and appointment of Paul the Psychic octopus as England’s new football adviser.